4 years old, at Grace Christian preschool. We are doing the 3 Nanny Goats play. My new pink dress with blue flowers on it. I look in the audience with my embarrassed face, she smiles.
She loves me.
5 years old, in Mrs. Clary's kindergarten class. She visits the class mexican party when we learn about Mexico. "I'm so proud of you, Emmy. That flower is beautiful", she says, of the tissue paper flower i made for my hair.
She loves me.
6 years old. The rental house on Azalea drive. Stressed, upset, yelling, hurrying us to school. who is this woman?
She loves me?
8 years old. My princess birthday party. blue cake, pink shirt. Pulling hair, slapping, calling me worthless. Friends arrive. Numb. little gold horn. Fake. Playing party games. Trying to make it through. Don't let your bottom lip quiver, Emily.
She loves me not.
9 years old. Hiding bruises during Ms Bolick's P.E. class. Desparate to fit in. Secret twin language. Sense of belonging. Trampling my stomach. Strangling me. Will i make it....
She loves me not.
10 years old. You're too bad of a kid to get a birthday party. Lots of gifts anyway.
im so proud of your straight a's. You've lost weight from doing gymnastics.
She loves me? She loves me not?
13 years old. Fistfights on Bent Tree. Unplugging the phone. You're just jealous of Kasey. The attention of a boy. Maybe he will love me?
She loves me not.
15 years old. Trips to the pool, taking us shopping with friends. Pep rally. She's here!
She loves me!
16 years old. Tanner. Where is she? i haven't seen her for weeks? Who is she? Anorexic. Girdles. Scales. "if you keep eating like that you'll end up like a two ton tessie"
She loves me not.
18. valedictorian. she writes my speech. She's proud.
She loves me.
22. Wedding planning. Slaps across the face. "it's all about you, you, you. You selfish BITCH."
She loves me not.
she loves me? she loves me not?
who is she?
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