Last night Lindsay and I were sitting around, painting nails with college girls and talking about life. Sharing engagement stories, stories of our Furman days, all kinds of fun. At one point, we started talking about freshman year at furman.
how we just sat in our rooms.
no one knew us.
we knew no one.
we had no confidence.
"the twins."
Its funny now, to look back on my life before Christ, and i can laugh about it in a way. I have a new freedom because my identity is no longer wrapped up in what other people will think about me if they knew about me. Knew about my past.
Knew about the abuse.
I used to be so ashamed to admit-my whole childhood i felt worthless. i was told i was disgusting! Ugly! Didn't deserve to live!
Now, i know Galatians 5:1 to be true-
"It is for freedom that Christ has set you free."
God, the God of the universe who created me, loved me, and even ALLOWED me to endure a childhood of scarring memories, wants me to have freedom from these things.
And slowly, i am watching Him mold me into a new woman. It's not happening in a flash, but in the day in, day out living life.
Taking risks. Telling your story to impact other's lives. Believing that He is who He says He is:
Psalm 147:3 "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."
I know this to be true in my life. There truly is redemption and healing that has come from the scars. Though they will always be there, etched in my soul, burned deep into me. I can't forget the depths of living half a life. Not really ever living as a child, always living to escape. Put one foot in front of the other, just try to survive. But now, He has called me to be a part of His kingdom, His family-
Psalm 126: 5-6
"those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy.
those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
carrying sheaves with them."
I finally have a family where i belong.
beautiful. amen - you are indeed a beautiful new creation! :) love ya
ReplyDeleteHey sweet Ems!
ReplyDeleteHow brave and authentic of you to share this journey. You are such a bright spirit and divine child of God! I think sometimes we can fall into a language trap when we talk about the abuse that has happened to us. It is a drastic cognitive dissonance we are confronted with when we believe God is both all-powerful and all-good. I don't believe God intended or planned for abuse to be part of our story, but as we live in a world of humans... some whom have every intention of hurting us... and we experience abuse and pain, we also experience the incredible power of divine love and healing. And so I look back sometimes on my story and believe not that abuse happened to me for a reason, but that God's love has helped me transform something terribly ugly into something divinely beautiful and transformative. This is an experience that both humbles and uplifts us, and helps the world see hope in dark places.
From one transformed child of love to another, keep on telling your story! When we speak truth and light into dark places, it helps others release their shame and fear (the power of abuse over us) and become free to heal.
Much love,
Emily R.