Charleston with Jellybean!

Some of yall may not know this, but a few years ago (summer of 2008 to be exact) Jake and i went from dating at the pace of a snail to deciding we were going to get MARRIED. How did that happen? he said 3 little words, "i love you", and i started to really trust him for the first time!!! anyway, his nickname "jellybean" was formed by the girls in my room at the Leadership Project that summer. If you know me, you know i have a deep love of all things small, furry, and cute. I REALLY wanted Jake to call me a cute little nickname like "whisker sprinkle", "fluffy bunny", or something unique and funny. he was totally not into it. He has called me "sweet girl", "pretty girl" and "princess" since we started dating, and he's great with that. Long story short, my girls and i decided he should call me muffin, and i would call him jellybean. Muffin lasted for 2 days, but jellybean stuck. I don't really call him this to his face, but it's his name in my phone and i write it on cards for fun :)

Jake and i went on a little vacation to Charleston for 5 days in July and it was so much fun. We didn't go anywhere for our anniversary since we were in the process of moving, so we decided to go on a trip, just the 2 of us when we got back from Myrtle! One of our fav things to do is go to bed and breakfasts and look at antique stores, and that's just what we did for 2 days. The rest of our time was spent eating and at the beach! it was definitely different not having peanut with us..no responsibility for 5 whole days!!! I am so thankful for this man, who knows i need time away with just him, and for the ways that he is always surprising me with a little date here and there and a night away every few months!!

 us exploring and walking around downtown

 us at the first b&b we stayed at :)

 us going to dinner one night!

 maggs was happy to have us back :)

a pic i took of Furman the night we got back...so pretty :)

peanut is almost one!

I can't believe my little peanut is almost one! I have had so much fun watching her and playing with her over the past few months! She is so sweet and full of life, and very easygoing. I think that probably comes from being in college ministry...she loves being passed around and meeting new people!! Here are  a few recent pics of her doing different things...these are probably some of my proudest moments in life! There really is nothing like laying your life down for a little one...so fun and yet so humbling and exhausting!

Last Night of Leadership Project 201

Here are some of the students that we interviewed the last night of Leadership Project and asked them the biggest thing they were taking away from the summer. Enjoy!

a serious post...

 I haven't posted anything on my blog in a while. And today i was thinking about why. I have to admit, i think it's because of fear: fear of hurting other people with my opinions and thoughts, fear of other people hearing my life story, fear of being found out. It's funny how, as a Christian, i have already been found out and have nothing to hide, no one to hide from. The King of the universe, the Lord of all creation loves me and calls me His. He delights in me, He calls me his daughter...yet so often i want to hide in the bushes and make coverings for myself.

If you don't know me, most of what i am talking about is my past. Most days i would like to run away from it...far, far away and pretend it never happened. Yet over and over again God is working it for my good and the good of others in my life.

I can't escape the story that God has written for my life. For so long, growing up in an abusive home, i was helpless, afraid, alone, and totally abandoned. Needy, i sobbed in my room for hours on end, with no one to come rescue me out of the hell i was living in: outwardly, we looked like the perfect family. With the perfect house. With the perfect twins. With the perfect grades. inwardly, i was dying to perform well enough. be good enough. finally earn the approval of the person who gave birth to me. 

Fast forward ten years later, as a sophomore in college, where i finally found the one thing i'd been searching for all my life-grace. I FINALLY had it, the freedom to be ME and still be loved by the perfect One who died for me. 

Now, here i am, six years after that- a mom to a baby girl. I am fearful, anxious, have no clue what i am doing. Often i ask God "why now? Did you really think i was mature enough to handle being a parent?" And over and over again, i hear Him answer me, through His word and in prayer-NO, he tells me. No one is good enough, strong enough, capable enough to do My will. Knowing that you are an unworthy sinner and trusting in Me is the way to true humility, peace, daily repentance in parenthood. 

Daily, He is turning my anxiety to hope and courage, and using my painful past to humble me in ways i never could have imagined.