peanut is almost one!

I can't believe my little peanut is almost one! I have had so much fun watching her and playing with her over the past few months! She is so sweet and full of life, and very easygoing. I think that probably comes from being in college ministry...she loves being passed around and meeting new people!! Here are  a few recent pics of her doing different things...these are probably some of my proudest moments in life! There really is nothing like laying your life down for a little one...so fun and yet so humbling and exhausting!

Last Night of Leadership Project 201

Here are some of the students that we interviewed the last night of Leadership Project and asked them the biggest thing they were taking away from the summer. Enjoy!

a serious post...

 I haven't posted anything on my blog in a while. And today i was thinking about why. I have to admit, i think it's because of fear: fear of hurting other people with my opinions and thoughts, fear of other people hearing my life story, fear of being found out. It's funny how, as a Christian, i have already been found out and have nothing to hide, no one to hide from. The King of the universe, the Lord of all creation loves me and calls me His. He delights in me, He calls me his daughter...yet so often i want to hide in the bushes and make coverings for myself.

If you don't know me, most of what i am talking about is my past. Most days i would like to run away from it...far, far away and pretend it never happened. Yet over and over again God is working it for my good and the good of others in my life.

I can't escape the story that God has written for my life. For so long, growing up in an abusive home, i was helpless, afraid, alone, and totally abandoned. Needy, i sobbed in my room for hours on end, with no one to come rescue me out of the hell i was living in: outwardly, we looked like the perfect family. With the perfect house. With the perfect twins. With the perfect grades. inwardly, i was dying to perform well enough. be good enough. finally earn the approval of the person who gave birth to me. 

Fast forward ten years later, as a sophomore in college, where i finally found the one thing i'd been searching for all my life-grace. I FINALLY had it, the freedom to be ME and still be loved by the perfect One who died for me. 

Now, here i am, six years after that- a mom to a baby girl. I am fearful, anxious, have no clue what i am doing. Often i ask God "why now? Did you really think i was mature enough to handle being a parent?" And over and over again, i hear Him answer me, through His word and in prayer-NO, he tells me. No one is good enough, strong enough, capable enough to do My will. Knowing that you are an unworthy sinner and trusting in Me is the way to true humility, peace, daily repentance in parenthood. 

Daily, He is turning my anxiety to hope and courage, and using my painful past to humble me in ways i never could have imagined.

Home Sweet Greenville!!

We are finally here!! We arrived on saturday, and thanks to our wonderful families, we were able to make it in one trip. Of course, it wouldn't be a true McCoun move without a few kinks in the plan- we went to a wedding for some of our PC students on the same day that we were moving. Picture us sweaty, gross, jumping in the shower 25 minutes before the wedding started, then of course loving talking to all of our friends at the reception, we swore to eachother we would only stay for 30 minutes. That 30 minutes turned into 2 hours. Needless to say, we got to greenville at 8:00 that night, and Maggie was being baptized at our church in Greenville the next sunday morning at 8:45. We were up until 2 am trying to figure out where we put her special dress, which i had put "in a safe place" so that we could easily find it. It was a great weekend filled with family, friends, and stress. This past week has been busy with us trying to find things in boxes, and me trying to distract jake from unpacking to do something fun in our new town! I am so excited to show him around Greenville- i know we dated for 2 years while i was at Furman, but now i get to show him all the local stuff :) More later on maggie's baptism, i hear her waking up from her nap ;)

Moving day is here!

We are finally moving on saturday. The reason i haven't written anything on here in a while is because i hate change. Like seriously, hate it. Growing up, my world was constantly unstable. Though i grew up in the same small town for most of my life, there was never stability in my home life, it was always hard for me to make friends, i was constantly lonely in my own little hidden world. Even now, as i have been packing my life into these boxes, i find myself fearing what is to come, questioning God's plans for my life. I have also realized how different i am from Jake. He is organized, neat, wants to get stuff accomplished...meanwhile i am messy, unorganized, easily distracted and just want to have fun! So yesterday, i forced  talked him into spending a little time with me, you know, outside of the house! We ended up going to one of our favorite spots, the river, to sit by a waterfall and read, then on a mini-hike and out to mexican. it was perfect, and so needed for me. Here's a few recent pics of peanut for ya-she is so sweet and smiley. I love her sooooo much ( i could have put more o's on that sooo but i didnt want to be that annoying mom who is so into her baby!) But for real, she's a cutie pie! She has three teeth and is always laughing, loves to crawl, and just had her first fear: my hair dryer! I guess it looks like a giant black bug with bristles ;) 

 Mags before getting her easter pics made. this is her "really, mom?" face.

 our little family at easter :)

maggie and daddy at luther rock, nc in the cold. my little snow bunny ;)

Well, i have some BIG NEWS to annouce:

we're pregnant again!!!!

haha! april fools a few days late! But, i do have some big news to announce: we are moving to the big city of Greenville, South Carolina in about ONE MONTH!!! a lot has to happen in the next month-packing, moving, etc. I am so sad, and it feels so surreal that we are leaving. Tear. But we are so happy to be moving to greenville for a ton of reasons, mostly because awesome people live there, and we're excited to be around more friends :) We will still be with CO, but this was a tough decision for us. One of the hardest since getting married 3 years ago. Here i will do a tribute to good ole Clinton...my top 10 things i'll miss about this town. Seriously.

10. my neighbors who lay out all day long with their country music playing. enough said-it reminds me of rutherfordton.

9. the clinton library-3 mins from my house, and i can check out 3 people magazines on my way to the gym. check.

8. walks around PC....

7. chinese donuts after church on sundays.

6. sonic 3 mins from my house (a lot of these are about food...)

5. my house-well this would probably be higher on the list, except for my teeny tiny closet, that only holds half of my clothes. (Don't ask jake about this, he will get pissed just talking about my boxes of clothes) But seriously, i love this place because we fixed it up together, with things we like, and it is our little project. when will i ever have butcher block countertops and built in bookshelves again...

4. the pet shop-where i love to spend a few minutes on my sabbath looking at puppies and ferrets. whiskery animals on a sabbath are good for the soul.

3. the biggest Wal Mart in the southeast in Laurens-If you know me, you know i love a good trip to wally world. It's where i spent every friday night in high school. even on prom night, i went there with my date to show my dress off. Anywho, this walmart in laurens has been a fun date place for me and jake, and every few weeks i take mags for an hour or so and shop around at the cosmetics and nail polishes ;)

2.Tropic D-when you are pregnant and live 2 minutes from a shaved ice stand in the summer, your life is awesome. Every day last summer, sometimes twice a day, i would make jake walk with me to the tropic d and get a blue raspberry shaved ice. I knew i looked like a fat lady with a blue mouth, but who cares when youre preggo.

1. My PC girls- Praise Jesus that they are graduating, but i seriously do not know what i would have done this past school year without the 9 senior girls i lead in a discipleship group, as well as all the other sweet girls who have come over to hang out, take a walk, have lunch, or babysit peanut. They are so awesome, so giving of their time, and so laid back!!!! I love PC students. Yall will always have a place in my heart. I said it once and i'll say it again- if i had known about PC when i was applying to schools, i would have picked it hands down over Furman!! Furman was great but PC is so much fun!!!!

wish i had a picture of maggie to put on here...i'll have to upload pics of her first. she's so precious. i love every minute with her.

My Sweet Pea.

SO, i realize i haven't taken the time to update my blog (once again)! Lately we have been really busy, lots of things going on behind the scenes, that we are just now getting around to telling all our friends and students!! i'll post later about that, butt, for now, my days are spent being a mom to maggie and discipling a few students here and there. A year ago, i refused to blog, write, even talk to God because i was so upset that i was pregnant. Bummed that my whole life couldn't be about ME anymore. So many questions in my head-can i do this? will i be a failure (duh, i'm not jesus!)...but now, i can say with confidence that the Lord's plans were SO much better than my own for my life. Like seriously, He is so faithful. I dont want to gush on here and make you gag with all my mom talk, but I LOVE BEING A MOM! i love all the good stuff like reading maggie books, taking her on walks, picking out her girly outfits, and i love the not so

fun stuff like feeding her, changing her clothes, giving her a bath. i know these days won't last forever and that she will soon be able to walk, play, and talk. not that it's not hard, but being a mom has shown me SO MUCH more of what the Lord does for us as His children-a lot of the time He is taking care of us and wiping our snot when we're broken, weak, needy, and don't have it all together. and that's like my love for mags- she is helpless and hasn't done anything for me to love her, but i do. Not to mention that she is my husband, jake in girl form which is why she's fun to be around- smiley, giggley and so flexible and easy going. i just love her so much!!! here are a few pictures of my sweet pea from recently-